Orson Welles killed my French Press

From our Butterfly's Wings series.

Today, 31 October 2013, Orson Welles killed the French Press coffee maker at the K-Landnews. Being the open-minded, smart reader of the K-Landnews, you know full well that Mr. Welles passed away in 1985.

How did Mr. Welles kill the French Press almost three decades after his demise?

We do cop to some benign superstitions in our lives, but ghosts acting from beyond the grave is not one of them.

The incident of the French Press crashing and shattering into fragments on the kitchen floor tiles has to do with Halloween, specifically with the habit of American radio stations to run scary stories all day on October 31st.

With TuneIn radio being the K-Landnews audio background all day, some sort of mishap might have been foreseeable, but the War of the Worlds caught the Duty Coffee Master by surprise, initiating a small but fateful muscle jerk in the upper arm muscle group of the Duty Coffee Master. That small reaction was enough to move the French Press about 10 inches towards the center of the kitchen.

The first nine inches were on the kitchen counter top (not granite), the final one inch turned out to be in the air.

At that point, gravity took over, and a split second later, the French Press shattered, distributing coffee grounds and glass shards  over a substantial area of the kitchen.

So, thanks to Orson Welles, we just traded a French Press for an allegory.

Which is kind of nice, really.