Praise of the dad bod has made its way around the world. Even middle of the road conservative German papers bring happy dad bod news.
The enlightened Western male is paying lip service to the mom bod - well, not that kind of lip service - and does some thigh slapping, all the while ignoring that the dad bod BMI (Body Mass Index) is not sexy without that other corresponding high BMI, the Bank Money Index.
If you have been suspicious about the sudden love of soft bellied males, study the Twitter messages and the talk on TV, and you will come to the same conclusion as our research.
A low or zero Bank Money Index means your dad bod BMI is perceived the same way as it was just weeks ago: a sad loser with no money, no future, no will power in a Whole Foods desert. This version of the human male is seen at a gym only as the janitor, and no one cares how many mops you can bench press.
Not all is lost for low or zero Bank Money Index males, though, you may be able to partially substitute it with another BMI, the Brain Matter Index. So, if you are super smart but a low earner, certain social environments still reward you for this BMI. Artists of all persuasions with a high Brain Matter Index do well with the other sex, or with the same, too.
But if you are a dad bod and draw SSI in some rural parts of the US or Europe, a high Brain Matter Index won't make much of a difference.
While the Brain Matter Index is tied to other factors like the one just mentioned, a high Bank Money Index requires no further support. It does not matter whether you achieve it selling luxury toilet seats or luxury automobiles, whether you breed pigs or are an undertaker.
There are two more BMIs we would like to address, the Blunt Moron Index and, for the younger males, the Boner Masturbation Index.
The Blunt Moron Index is the most detrimental of all BMIs, totally annihilating your dad bod BMI unless you possess a Bank Money Index that is off the stock charts, as in hundreds of millions of dollars.
A high Boner Masturbation Index indicates virility and stamina, both desirable dad bod enhancements. But telling a prospective partner about it requires a light touch. You must not brag, especially with other males within hearing distance. Experts advise to not mention the Boner Masturbation Index before a first mutually satisfying erotic encounter.
What does the future hold for the dad bod?
Those males with a high corresponding Bank Money Index will be insulated - by the cash, not the blubber - from the inevitable swing towards the universal six pack in a few months from now.
All others are well advised to join a gym now in order to be ahead of the curve.
The dad bod conspiracy theory
There have been rumors that the dad bod as the new sexy male is an invention of a coalition of hard core lesbians and roid damaged former body builders. This is pure nonsense. Roid damaged former body builders can not benefit much from the dad bod if they can not find the "utility parts" any more.
The guys of the IT department have nothing to do with it either.
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