Go Jesus, go! - the Corpus Christi procession is not a parade

It is that Sunday again, 60 days after Easter, and German Catholics perform their biggest procession of the year.

Here is a website with some basic information in English.

To us, the crucial thing about  the Corpus Christi procession is: it is not a parade. So, in rural or small town Germany, it is very uncool to stand on the sidewalk and watch.

It is even worse if you wave at the participants.

And never do the American thing and cheer.

Go Jesus, go! would be considered extremely offensive.

For the record, we did not commit any of these blunders. But barely.

The thing is, imagine you are not Catholic and new to a place like our rural hills (mountains for Brits and flatlanders), and one seemingly random Saturday a bunch of guys slowly drive by and dump a five or six foot birch branch every thirty feet on the sidewalk or onto your lawn.

You check on the web or with neighbors and do as implied by the birch, which is you put them upright, either against your fence, or into a small hole you dig for the purpose.
The next morning, on Sunday, the procession passes, and you are done.

The procession is a prayer and song procession, generally without music but they do have a PA system, a loudspeaker, these days. Germans probably understand the prayers, or at least they won't frown like we did on one occasion.

Did he just say "we are going to the airport?"

Unlikely.

I don't understand a thing.

Me neither.

Locals told us that, in the old days, the procession was a marvelous event. A week or so prior, you'd see children out in the meadows collecting flowerheads, big buckets full. The flowers would be put in the cellar until the day before the holiday. Late Saturday, the towns and villages would come alive with preparations. The birch branches would go up, and much denser than today, every four feet or so. The kids would come out with their flowerheads and create a path of flowers along the middle of the street. Every house would build a shrine, a table with the best table cloth with a Jesus or Mary statue flanked by vases of flowers.
The whole place would be brimming with flags or all sizes in simple patterns, like yellow and white, red and white, green and white.
A traditional procession could easily take two hours. The priest under a large canopy, the German word which which is Himmel (heaven) would carry a vessel like this and they'd stop at certain bigger shrines for some more prayer and song.
Once they arrived back at the church, there 'd be even more song and prayer.

These days, they say, nobody goes to these lengths, the procession is much quicker.