Thursday, June 23, 2016

Galactic Council bans alien visits to Earth until November 2016

It appeared minutes after the hail storm had subsided that annihilated the garden of the blogster a few weeks ago.

I apologize for the intrusion, can I stay for a few minutes until I'm dry?

What the....

Don't worry, the shape said, as a puddle of water formed on the tiles of the kitchen floor.

Who are you?

I am It. Don't worry, you'll be fine, I'll leave as soon as I'm dry. My craft failed in the storm, I was on my way to extremity-deliver a note about the Galactic Council travel ban so our Earth rep can break the news to Elon Musk.


No, Elon Musk is not an alien, or rather, he is, but he is unaware. For his own protection. Some humans have made fun of him being an alien. They have no idea how true it is, but neither has he, and we need to tell him.

Why can't I see you clearly?

Oh, that is an anti-facial recognition and and anti-shape recognition feature. Long story, it saved us from another human-analog life form. 

If Musk doesn't know, why do you need to tell him?

Because we had to recall some of his best designers and engineers, and he went up the wall when he found they were gone without notice and explanation. Nice walls, too - before he clawed his way up.

It's not enough that my garden is destroyed. Now. I'm facing an alien, ahm, shape and Elon Musk is one of them. Why is he on Earth, and what's with the travel ban?

The Council sent him to try and fix the planet. There was another one before him, but I don't know anything other than he failed. You humans are getting too dangerous for your own good and for the survival of the planet. So, the goody-two-brains of the Council wiped Musk and sent him to bring you artificial intelligence.

You are kidding, right? He is all over the media warning of the danger of AI.

That was part of the reprogramming after the wipe. The Council thinks that you humans don't do well with positive motivation. Some of your people touted AI as wonderful, but it didn't get anywhere until your military got interested. We call them Earth's toddlers with nukes, by the way. The moment you tell humans a new technology is very dangerous, all the money you can print becomes available.

So, it's not dangerous?

Not at all. Once we are done, we'll turn Earth into a reservation and all will be fine. AI will take care of you.

Are you sure that's how it will work out?

Well....,ahm, look, I'm almost dry, I think, I'll head out for the pick-up.

Wait, what about the travel ban?

We call it a mandatory recommendation, but here you say ban. The Council decided sending aliens to Earth before November 2016 would amount to cruel and unusual punishment. The funny thing is, we call it "amount to eating your children alive", after a life form that actually had this ritual. They died out, we just kept the phrase.


Yes, so, the Council declared that having to be within five galactic units of Donald Trump and Hillary Clinton at the same time amounted to eating your children alive.

And after the election?

I don't know, I'm just a messenger.

If you are such a super duper alien, couldn't you have sent the message with some of your gizmos or machines, or telepathy?

Telepathy is only legal on the Entertainment Planet, don't get me started on this. Yes, we could have sent the message but truth be told, I was bored after pulling night shift for a thousand Earth years. I have to go now, It.

It? Aren't you It?

You are It, too. I scanned the surroundings, and the only It I came up with was you. I wouldn't have bothered otherwise.

We said our good byes and It left. The blogster soaked up the water, and then it* turned off the news.

* The blogster is gender neutral, like everybody else at the K-Landnews.
[Update] As always: typos, grammar.

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