Too many blacks, wrote good Queen Elizabeth I in 1596

In England, a contribution to your immigration debate.

Oy, and while you are at it, we suggest you reduce the web presence of the National Archive -- you can make an austerity argument for that, thanks. Just kidding.

The current immigration debate in Britain, and in Germany as well, is very reminiscent of good Queen Elizabeth I with her missive about too many blackamores in the country. That gem would be harder to find if it wasn't for the cool website of the National Archives. You can also leave it to Ukip to close that one down and focus on a consistently upbeat version of UK history.

The missive by good Queen Elizabeth I was in 1596.

As in one, five, nine, six.

The toughest immigration rules on the planet, says the minister. Hm, if you want that, you need to go a little further than the above Telegraph article describes.

Before we, pardon our French, let one rip, may we remind you of the psychologist who said that only someone we feel very close to can really hurt us deeply. 

In plain language: in order to lose a friend, you need to be friends in the first place. This is how Israel lost friends about the Prisoner X mess, how Germany lost friends over the Euro, and so forth.

So, here is how we see it.

It's been a while since you dragged an American WASP lady friend of a friend out of the immigration line and interrogated her. Her intended activity: a three week vacation in Europe. Which she completed, and then she returned to your former colony.

That is a policy we can support. A good scare don't hurt nobody, as we say in the hills.

We were wondering, since you dropped caning in schools long after canning in home etc, what happened to the canes? You could give every EU immigrant a gentle, gentle reminder of historical discipline.

Heck, no, we are not suggesting caning them!

Put a up a row of display cases at immigration, and display an assortment of canes with a few photos and a vivid description of their purpose, that's all we are asking for.

It's gonna remind people how much better today's Britain is, and it'll give them something to chat about during the long deterrence wait.

Then, when you ask for that cash deposit and tell them they will have to pay for medical visits, you'll only get happy smiles and a "gladly, sir".

Once the display cases are up, you can add commemorative themes, for instance, in 2014 when the 100th anniversary of WWI comes up, something about that nitwit bully of a nephew of Queen Victoria in order to tackle unrestrained German immigration.

[Update 25 March] Nice speech, Mr. C. I love the requirement to show robust knowledge of the English language. Are you going to send the indigenous of East London to school to catch up? Do Aussies get a pass, mate? Are you going to fire your chief statistician, the Honourable Count of Error de Median?

[Update 12/27/2016] Here is the quote from the National Archives site: In 1596 she wrote to the lord mayors of major cities noting that there were 'of late divers blackmoores brought into this realm, of which kind of people there are already here to manie...'. She ordered that 'those kinde of people should be sente forth of the land'.