The K-Landnews Random Research team disappeared for several days after delivery of the first part of its research into the fascinating subject "Sex and the Germans".
The RR team ceased all communication. Voice calls went straight to voicemail, emails were never answered, chat requests fell flat.
TheEditor, not easily worried, began rummaging through the cabinets for stationary, mumbling "a letter by mail", then settled for a sheet of paper from the printer tray.
Gee, this place does not even have any standard letter envelopes any more.
Right then the doorbell rang, if you can call the intermittent croaking, tinny sound a "ring".
It was the leader of the RR team. Redfaced as if he had just done a half marathon, he went: Sorry, really sorry. I think that the NSA might have my penis length and girth in their database now.
????
Well, you read the report about the NSA collecting porn data of people, right? I'm sure that the profile data on the German web site you made us investigate is a lot more interesting to them than which free porn clips you watch!
What's with the profile data?
This website has a tremendously detailed profile, not just the height and weight stuff, but detailed physical data, like the cup size for women and the penis length for men. There are fields for "do you wear glasses", which parts are shaved or not, whether you smoke. Then they have a twenty or so item list of sexual preferences.
You did not fill out a profile, or did you?
Well, you said we should research, and research means correct data.
Oh, my god.
So, I panicked, I'm sorry. I spent endless hours trying to get someone from customer service and ask them to erase my profile. That failed, so I changed my profile. I am now a 200 pound midget with a 1 inch member.
THAT makes you feel safer?
Eventually, I found that I can simply deactivate my profile. Here is the second part of our report, the team leader said, holding out a USB stick.
The report itself did not have anything that we consider worth writing about, so we settled for the meta story in the form of the exchange quoted above.
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