HR professionals and recruitment specialists have had a hard time since the internet took off.
Prior to the ubiquitous web, job candidates at least had to spend some effort on books that promised they would ace this interview or sail through this or that personality test.
Of course, the vast majority of the content was just common sense or platitudes wrapped in ever new slogans, says an unnamed expert. But at least one aspect of getting a stack of how-to books was positive: it showed a willingness to work.
The web made it all worse. You do not even have to read the paper or go to the library to find out what an employer is doing. A quick search, and you can ascertain which of the many underwater basket weaving specialty products a company offers.
I've had one candidate come in on Monday at 8 AM and ask me about a Wells notice we had filed with the SEC the previous Friday at six pm. How in the world can you tell if people want to have a steady, very busy job or a quiet desk for their day trading activities during work hours?
Another professional confided: My personal worst was a young man who came in with several filled out and scored personality tests, starting with Briggs Myers and ending with the personalDNA test.
We've tried open ended questions, we've stolen bits and pieces from LSAT, GMAT and ALL-THAT, and nothing is ever good enough.
We run them by their future co-workers to show much we value our existing employees, and what do you get?
The career hungry John from Cube 101 systematically rejects anybody who might be more competent than himself. Which wouldn't be that bad if John were a triple PhD genius -- only, he isn't -- we keep him around because nobody else want to do the mind numbing tasks he does. Daisy Doolittle from section 9 runs what amounts to an ad hoc spelling bee, Jerry Jock really wants a skateboard buddy, and Honest Abe warns them of their manager, Crazy Boss.
We cannot do away with these modern features but we have limited their use and started doing what our old HR people did, like, look at the shoes, what kind are they wearing, how well kempt they are.
Look at their hair, is it dyed, not easy to spot with modern chemicals. Look at their faces, do they have worry lines, do they look older than they should?
Then it turns out that these Silicon Valley boys and babes go get all botoxed up by age 30.
Our last good test is the Santa Claus Test. It is somewhat culturally predicated, we know, but Hollywood Santa movies and NORAD's annual Santa tracking have leveled that sufficiently, we think.
The test consists of a single question: What was your reaction when your parents, including a two dad or two mom set of parents, told you Santa Claus was not real?
We provide 3 answers in multiple choice format.
1) They only confirmed what I had already figured out.
2) Santa Claus is real, historically speaking, it is irrefutable according to scripture. The trappings, like the sled, the elves and all that is just age adequate marketing.
3) I don't believe in Santa, but I think it is important to respect our cultural heritage and contribute to society overall. The evil sidekick Grampus, or Beelzebub, is an integral part of the mythology, and a little scare won't hurt.
Everybody who picks the first answer is disqualified, of course. Respondents who take answer two are good future employees. They will believe anything you can sell as the truth, yet they show a beneficial eagerness to bend and mold this truth as needed, even to the point of completely distorting the original message.
Category 3 applicants are just as good in many jobs as cat 2 folks but have the added advantage that they are able to consciously and willfully ignore facts. Orders matter more than facts, so that's great. Even better, they accept cruelty as part of the package, as "it's always been this way". Their appreciation of or need for a reason, a prima facie disadvantage, turns out to be the ultimate handle you have over them. Because you only need a single reason "respect our cultural heritage and contribute to society" - which works and will justify any behavior, "good" or "bad", at management's choice.
Note: The way the question is framed will change soon to make it less obvious to the candidate. Instead of " What was your reaction...", we will make it pseudo hypothetical. Imagine you are babysitting the child of a friend and you decide to tell the child that Santa is not real. How, in your opinion, would the child react?
The candidate's reaction to the demand is enlightening in itself. Will they refuse to even contemplate it, are they willing to potentially hurt a friend or damage a close relationship in order to get a job, will you see an emotional flare up?
So, remember, next time you go to a job interview, think of Santa Claus.
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