There hasn't been anything really new since the Romans. Probably since long before, but the Romans get all the credit because they were such prolific writers and record keepers.
Yes, if any of those brilliant minds out there working hard on robo-journalists feel like applying this to the new generation of journalists (the AI version, not the ehhh ayyyy one), you are welcome.
Here is a quick, incomplete list of demands and policy proposals made in Germany in response to the arrival of a record number of refugees.
Most of the demands are totally obvious. So, robo-journalist developers can set up easy templates matching an observed phenomenon with a grand proposal.
More police
Write an article about the need for more police. The blogster was reluctant to include this under the "waste no good crisis" label because you can basically make this demand at any time and find a large enough audience. But we include it here nonetheless because it has been made with the refugee influx as justification.
German language into the constitution
Take for example, today's OpEd piece in Frankfurter Allgemeine (FAZ) that calls for amending the German constitution to say that the German language is the country's official national language.
A usable robo-journalist algorithm could check the German statistics office for data on arriving foreigners and write a piece like the one in the FAZ in no time.
This topic is particularly easy and pleasant because you need just one variable, the number of new arrivals. The "justification" part of the piece is a 100% autonomous template with some warm and fuzzy stuff about cultural bond between newcomers and natives and the importance of German as their shared language. Make sure to use "German" explicitly in case some readers misinterpret "shared language" as one they already share, like English.
Lower minimum wage
Since January 2015, Germany has a minimum wage. You don't have to discard the original template "no minimum wage" because it might come in handy in the future. Just make a copy and modify the copy to call for a lower minimum wage. You do not have to do complex calculations for this either, simply emphasize that "x number of new arrivals" creates a strain on the employment market and is very costly for business.
Don't be shy. Everything is always "very costly for business".
More civil servants in general
For Germany, what you really want is more of the higher "caste" of civil servants they call "Beamte". Nearly impossible to fire, zero Euros payroll taxes, a minimum pension of twice that of manual laborers after 45 years of work, that kind of civil servant.
You don't want to overdo it, though. So, call for "regular" and "temporary" employees with the "option" to replace retiring "Cadillac" employees.
More teachers, more childcare workers
While you may be tempted to lump them into a general "more civil servants" template, doing this will result in the loss of valuable screen and/or print columns.
Even more importantly, more teachers and childcare workers can be really necessary.
Some basic math (classroom size/teacher and school type in relation to incoming children/age group) will get you something that looks like a well researched article.
And it'll get you grateful parents.
Higher taxes
You don't have to mean it. Remember, writing and publishing something is not about whether you get what you ask for. It's about freshness of content and thinking outside of "the box", i.e. showing you as a robo-journalist still got it.
Get it?
Germans already pay lots of taxes, they do not want to pay more and will be upset. However, the subject of higher taxes ensures broad readership and can be used for multiple spin-offs on cutting services.
The sky is the limit when you combine the two. One ingenious combo has been the call for relaxation of tight rules on government debt.
Media self promotion
Another one as easy as pie. Take the crisis by the horns, make or - cheaper and better - steal a logo, offer support.
This can be used for both honest human kindness and utter bullshit self congratulation. It can also help erase years or decades of incendiary nonsense published by your outfit, of course not by you, the present day executives, but by those long retired who lived "in a different era".
Terrorists & National Security
Duh. The blogster won't "dignify" this. BTW, the meaning of "dignify" in this context is the same as used in The Guardian re a certain UK PM and a "pig".
Watch some Fox News on this vast subject, you'll get the hang of it in no time.
It also teaches you in a few easy steps how to make up a crisis in the rare event that there is no suitable one.
Feel free to send us articles about other topics to include in the list. Remember, the list can be easily adapted for use in any other crisis, and you can do versions for each of the other countries of the European Union.
Simply make "German" a variable.
[Update 10/9] A few days ago, Frankfurter Allgemeine ran an article stating that government and other agencies are calling for creating of 100 000 new posts in the fields described above to deal with the refugee influx. Even if we assume 1 million newcomers this year (up from projected 800 000) that is 1 new worker for every 10 refugees.
[Update 1/16/2016] As reported here by zeitonline, German Finance Minister Schaeuble is said to consider an EU wide gas tax, which would come on top of the existing national gas tax taxes, to pay for the costs of the refugee crisis.
This report comes only days after the German federal government proudly announced a 12 billion Euro federal budget surplus for FY 2015.
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