The K-Landnews has dipped into contemporary military history several times thanks to our OMGs (Old Mustached Germans) and some firsthand experience. If you found earlier posts, you know we referenced just one OMG.
We now have two. For twice the fun.
You may know things about the military, or you may not. But two universal characteristics throughout history and across countries and ideologies are these:
1. The military wastes colossal amounts of money.
2. The military loves toys.
The activities described in this post took place in West Germany in the 1970s, to be exact between 1976 and 1980.* This was during the Cold War, when the West was - wrongly as some knew then and all know now - afraid that the Soviet Union and its Warsaw Pact allies would make a run across Germany to the Atlantic.
It is about very expensive war machines: the German main battle tank Leopard 1 and its successor Leopard 2, nicknamed Leo 1 and Leo 2.
The Leo 1 had a great reputation and sold like mad. Countries from Brazil to Saudi Arabia wanted them. Then came the Leo 2, and things in the German military industrial complex and its main customer, the Bundeswehr got crazy.
From sergeant to general, kids with barely a hint of a beard and former World War II fighters, everyone in the Panzer troops salivated and schemed.
Despite the allure of the new toy and tons of cash spent, the Leo 2 was to be phased in over many years. The holders of the purse strings told the troops that they would not exchange a perfectly good Leo 1 for a Leo 2.
Soldiers have a lot of idle time. Don't let the tight schedules plastered everywhere fool you. Some used that time to figure out a solution to the toy problem.
Eventually, troops in one of the country's then twelve panzer divisions cracked it. The administration had said "perfectly good Leo 1".
We should turn ours into not perfectly good ones.
General German engineering prowess and additional robustness requirements for military gear posed a challenge to be overcome by what some might call extreme means.
OMG did not elucidate whether the solution was inspired by the casual display of car stripping in Hollywood movies. He only explained how the troops did it.
Mount a tank on blocks sturdy enough for the purpose. Cinder blocks are not great, they might work in a pinch. Ask the engineers, also idle, for help.
Once the vehicle is off the ground, unscrew the bolts keeping motor oil in the engine. Being Germans, they did not let the oil run off into the storm sewers but caught every last drop.
Start the massive engine, rev it up to a comfortable RPM level, and wait.
When the pistons seize with a massive shudder (hence the need for really good blocks), pour some of the drained oil back in.
Clean up everything, remove the blocks, then report that your Leo 1 experienced catastrophic engine failure.
Filling out reports and answering questions was routine.
The reward soon arrived on a huge flatbed: a brand new Leopard 2.
The troops lived happily ever after and all are safely retired as of this writing.
* We could narrow down this period more but feel it would be a disservice to OMG, According to Wikipedia, series production of the Leo 2 began in 1979. However, there were plenty of early specimen out there.
No comments:
Post a Comment