Poor German politicians have neither.
While US Congress and Senate members don't get the respect that they don't deserve but do get money, German parliamentarians are to be really pitied.
In the shitstorm about the Offshore Leaks havens, a major story about the remuneration of German federal elected officials was almost drowned out.
As in other countries, when German parliamentarians want something for themselves, they appoint an independent commission -- it looks better.
Over here, you know the shit is going to hit the fan when the independent commission is given the fancy French title "enquete" (inquiry), so find "Enquetekommission" on the interweb, and you get some insight into the painful or weird topics of German politics.
The independent Enquetekommission will then publish a report justifying whatever the pre-determined result was.
Case in point: parliamentiarians are woefully underpaid.
To get to this foregone conclusion, you must ignore ancient reports from a couple of years ago which detail that parliamentarians raked in 65% more in 1991 prices. Compared to 30% for average working people, who deservedly stay under the inflation adjusted price hikes of 37%.
But this is not the year 2010, this is 2013, and everything is different.
Just how different? The Enquetekommission report tells us:
1) They have a stressful job.
2) They have to be an expert in at least one field.
3) They need to be available outside of regular hours.
4) They lack job security. One dumb statement, and they are out of a job.
5) Technological pressure is pretty much constant.
6) They are under constant scrutiny.
7) They don't get enough sex.
You, venerable reader, may be tempted to ask "how is that different from the checkout lady at the grocery store, the guys down at the steel mill, the neck wringer at the chicken hatchery?"
To which we must respond: "This is where respect for the burden of office is needed. Please do understand that the burden of office is so immense that Germany still has not adopted the anti-corruption standards put forth by the unrealistic eggheads of Transparency International."
Ahm, yes, item 7, we put that in just to keep you entertained.
Anyway, you can see how the latest food fight will end.
[Update Feb 2015] German members of parliament did get a 10% across the board raise a year ago, and they added extra compensation for various committee posts. And in order to avoid recurring public discussion about their remuneration, automatic adjustment for inflation is included.
At present, the German Bundestag (federal lower house) has more members than the US Congress plus the US Senate combined, at one quarter of the population of the US.
Friday, April 5, 2013
Thursday, April 4, 2013
Dumb-ass nazis
A group we feel we can safely bitch about, at least for now.
In this litigious world we live in, where a single legal bill can take you from the traditional working class all the way down to the precariat, we have finally found a group that won't drag you to court to clear their good name.
Because they don't have a good name.
And because nobody short of a certifiable mental case will stand up in court, proclaim himself a nazi, and proceed to describe the pain and suffering your words caused them and their families, including Adolf the cat*.
There has been some hemming and hawing in the German media recently about the ease with which Adolf (not the cat) pops up on protester placards around Europe. But it seems to us that the vast majority of Germans are pretty relaxed about their chancellor with a square mustache on a greek photo.
We do not know if this is because they chuckle like Mr. Burns: 'we have the money, now release the hounds', or because if they did that paint job at home, they'd likely end up with a felony charge.
If all the collective punishment you get is to be reminded of the nazis every now and then, take it in stride.
It beats the heck out of having your car tires shredded when you left your car with German plates unattended in Amsterdam over night.
Or to find that a British B & B was quietly off limits to Germans. Or having to fend off serious nazi friendly songs in a rural Spanish bar.
* Adolf the cat is not a fictional cat. He lives down the street and received his nickname by the K-landnews resident observant observer. He sports a white, orange and black coat and just so happens to have a small square-ish black spot under his nose on an otherwise white face.
In this litigious world we live in, where a single legal bill can take you from the traditional working class all the way down to the precariat, we have finally found a group that won't drag you to court to clear their good name.
Because they don't have a good name.
And because nobody short of a certifiable mental case will stand up in court, proclaim himself a nazi, and proceed to describe the pain and suffering your words caused them and their families, including Adolf the cat*.
There has been some hemming and hawing in the German media recently about the ease with which Adolf (not the cat) pops up on protester placards around Europe. But it seems to us that the vast majority of Germans are pretty relaxed about their chancellor with a square mustache on a greek photo.
We do not know if this is because they chuckle like Mr. Burns: 'we have the money, now release the hounds', or because if they did that paint job at home, they'd likely end up with a felony charge.
If all the collective punishment you get is to be reminded of the nazis every now and then, take it in stride.
It beats the heck out of having your car tires shredded when you left your car with German plates unattended in Amsterdam over night.
Or to find that a British B & B was quietly off limits to Germans. Or having to fend off serious nazi friendly songs in a rural Spanish bar.
* Adolf the cat is not a fictional cat. He lives down the street and received his nickname by the K-landnews resident observant observer. He sports a white, orange and black coat and just so happens to have a small square-ish black spot under his nose on an otherwise white face.
International Safe Money Haven
Governments are dumb, and people are greedy?
Let's assume for a moment that you have hidden money somewhere and would like to get rid of it.
The International Safe Money Haven (ISMH) Foundation has plans to set up an International Safe Money Haven.
Just like a Safe Haven for babies, but for money.
Why would anybody establish such a mechanism? Because governments are really dumb when it comes to this, and people are really greedy.
Most governments have some kind of amnesty program. You pay up and won't go to prison. That's fine if you have a few grand of undeclared money somewhere.
But, say you are a French minister who opened a foreign bank account through no fault of your own. Or a businessman who would love nothing more than be on the straight and narrow after some youthful indiscretion with that gorgeous foreign bank.
The International Safe Money Haven (ISMH) folks claim that this happens more frequently than you might think. They provided an example of a US businessman who had just started his first business with almost no money and was tempted by a client to open a Cayman's account. According to them, he felt stuck between a rock and a hard place some ten years later when his business was doing great and he felt he could not safely close down the offshore account.
Right now, you have deeply flawed options.
1) Deny and just hope nobody catches you.
2) Leave the money in the bank, and when you die or do not respond to inquires for a few years, they take it all.
3) Invest in Miami real estate.
4) Give it to the government in a "no fines or prison deal". From then on, expect regular audits and scrutiny, and you have no say how the money is spent. They can blow it any way they want, on social moochers or heavy weapons, on clean air or prostitutes and booze. Kiss your political career goodbye.
5) Give it to relatives and associates. They likely have enough or will hide it in their own accounts. They may try to kill you if they think "there is more where that came from".
6) You are out of luck, if you want to give away only some but not all of the cash.
7) Put it into the anonymous org of a US political superpac. Why give even more to US politicians, or any politicians for that matter? This is an option if you want to create a nice crisis later by showing that the cash came from blood diamonds.
If your aim is to remain anonymous and to have one final word over what the funds will do, International Safe Money Haven will be your solution.
Here is what we know so far about the plans.
The recipients of the money will declare it as taxable income under the category "gambling winnings". This means that some of the money is lost to government.
90% of what's left over will go into non-profit work. The sweetener for you is that you can decide upfront which causes will be supported. If you are not interested in sea turtles but want to invest in education, your directive will be binding.
They also intend to establish an upper limit (ceiling) of money accepted per anonymous donor per year, likely either one or two million US dollars.
The creators of the International Safe Money Haven are working on specific contact options and administrative procedures.
They do have an email contact address: safemoneyhaven[at]tormail.org
Let's assume for a moment that you have hidden money somewhere and would like to get rid of it.
The International Safe Money Haven (ISMH) Foundation has plans to set up an International Safe Money Haven.
Just like a Safe Haven for babies, but for money.
Why would anybody establish such a mechanism? Because governments are really dumb when it comes to this, and people are really greedy.
Most governments have some kind of amnesty program. You pay up and won't go to prison. That's fine if you have a few grand of undeclared money somewhere.
But, say you are a French minister who opened a foreign bank account through no fault of your own. Or a businessman who would love nothing more than be on the straight and narrow after some youthful indiscretion with that gorgeous foreign bank.
The International Safe Money Haven (ISMH) folks claim that this happens more frequently than you might think. They provided an example of a US businessman who had just started his first business with almost no money and was tempted by a client to open a Cayman's account. According to them, he felt stuck between a rock and a hard place some ten years later when his business was doing great and he felt he could not safely close down the offshore account.
Right now, you have deeply flawed options.
1) Deny and just hope nobody catches you.
2) Leave the money in the bank, and when you die or do not respond to inquires for a few years, they take it all.
3) Invest in Miami real estate.
4) Give it to the government in a "no fines or prison deal". From then on, expect regular audits and scrutiny, and you have no say how the money is spent. They can blow it any way they want, on social moochers or heavy weapons, on clean air or prostitutes and booze. Kiss your political career goodbye.
5) Give it to relatives and associates. They likely have enough or will hide it in their own accounts. They may try to kill you if they think "there is more where that came from".
6) You are out of luck, if you want to give away only some but not all of the cash.
7) Put it into the anonymous org of a US political superpac. Why give even more to US politicians, or any politicians for that matter? This is an option if you want to create a nice crisis later by showing that the cash came from blood diamonds.
If your aim is to remain anonymous and to have one final word over what the funds will do, International Safe Money Haven will be your solution.
Here is what we know so far about the plans.
The recipients of the money will declare it as taxable income under the category "gambling winnings". This means that some of the money is lost to government.
90% of what's left over will go into non-profit work. The sweetener for you is that you can decide upfront which causes will be supported. If you are not interested in sea turtles but want to invest in education, your directive will be binding.
They also intend to establish an upper limit (ceiling) of money accepted per anonymous donor per year, likely either one or two million US dollars.
The creators of the International Safe Money Haven are working on specific contact options and administrative procedures.
They do have an email contact address: safemoneyhaven[at]tormail.org
Lots of taxes go to Paradise - or to a haven, an oasis, a shelter
Words do not always fail us.
How do people in your country call those who hide their hard earned cash from the tax man, and what do the words we use to describe these places say?
German media typically call these places "tax/fiscal paradise" or "tax/fiscal oasis". The people who squirrel away their cash are called "fugitives", "evaders" or "refugees".
The common English terms are "tax shelter" and "tax haven". The people hiding funds are mostly "evaders" and "fugitives", very rarely "refugees". Refugee status in English seems limited to above board accepted practices such as incorporating a company in a US state with a lower tax rate than its neighbors.
The English terms are functional in nature, the protection from the adverse forces out there is the image they create in your minds.
The German terms would seem much more focused on the results. No doubt, living conditions in paradise are great. The same is true for an oasis, with the difference that you are aware that whatever surrounds an oasis is not friendly terrain.
The banks, trusts, and funds who do the hiding won't have any of this. They prefer the friendly wealth management, tax optimization, global business and banking services and other neutral sounding terminology for the discerning businessman and dictator.
It would certainly be nice to get our hands on some dictator's stash and fund a fully legal non-profit with it.
But the best we can realistically hope for is to see an article about a starving English major who published a multi-lingual dictionary of tax evasion.
On second thought, make it an app, which then gets bought by Yahoo Finance.
How do people in your country call those who hide their hard earned cash from the tax man, and what do the words we use to describe these places say?
German media typically call these places "tax/fiscal paradise" or "tax/fiscal oasis". The people who squirrel away their cash are called "fugitives", "evaders" or "refugees".
The common English terms are "tax shelter" and "tax haven". The people hiding funds are mostly "evaders" and "fugitives", very rarely "refugees". Refugee status in English seems limited to above board accepted practices such as incorporating a company in a US state with a lower tax rate than its neighbors.
The English terms are functional in nature, the protection from the adverse forces out there is the image they create in your minds.
The German terms would seem much more focused on the results. No doubt, living conditions in paradise are great. The same is true for an oasis, with the difference that you are aware that whatever surrounds an oasis is not friendly terrain.
The banks, trusts, and funds who do the hiding won't have any of this. They prefer the friendly wealth management, tax optimization, global business and banking services and other neutral sounding terminology for the discerning businessman and dictator.
It would certainly be nice to get our hands on some dictator's stash and fund a fully legal non-profit with it.
But the best we can realistically hope for is to see an article about a starving English major who published a multi-lingual dictionary of tax evasion.
On second thought, make it an app, which then gets bought by Yahoo Finance.
Global warming to the rescue
To rid the world of the banking islands?
Desperate times call for desperate measures, but on this one, we only need to do what we humans do best: nothing.
Then the British Virgin Islands will become the Atlantis of our times, the fabulously rich place under the sea.
Today is a good day, one of those days when average folks can feel a little better about life.
Was it worth all the effort to survive a bunch of crazy dictators, out of control software industry magnates, dumb-ass super egos and their "me, I didn't do anything" or their "of course, I would do it all over again"?
We doubt that the day of the 200 GB data dump will be one of the days that people will talk about in terms of 'I remember exactly where I was on 4 April 2013'. The Guardian pointed out that the Wikileaks war leak was only 20 GB of data. So, yes, we can be sure that Julian Assange will remember exactly where he was on 4 April 2013 -- same place as always.
One country we would not want to be living in today is the UK, because we not certain that even British humor can deal very well with the contrast of the austerity cuts at home and the data out of the place where the pirates of the Caribbean thrive.
We thank the folks who handed out the data.
If your islands go under, we do have a couple of spare bedrooms we can rent out.
Desperate times call for desperate measures, but on this one, we only need to do what we humans do best: nothing.
Then the British Virgin Islands will become the Atlantis of our times, the fabulously rich place under the sea.
Today is a good day, one of those days when average folks can feel a little better about life.
Was it worth all the effort to survive a bunch of crazy dictators, out of control software industry magnates, dumb-ass super egos and their "me, I didn't do anything" or their "of course, I would do it all over again"?
We doubt that the day of the 200 GB data dump will be one of the days that people will talk about in terms of 'I remember exactly where I was on 4 April 2013'. The Guardian pointed out that the Wikileaks war leak was only 20 GB of data. So, yes, we can be sure that Julian Assange will remember exactly where he was on 4 April 2013 -- same place as always.
One country we would not want to be living in today is the UK, because we not certain that even British humor can deal very well with the contrast of the austerity cuts at home and the data out of the place where the pirates of the Caribbean thrive.
We thank the folks who handed out the data.
If your islands go under, we do have a couple of spare bedrooms we can rent out.
Frack it, baby
Having included 'contrarians' in the blog audience, we can not complain about a contrarian-sytled article in Die Zeit that calls for an end to the blockade of fracking in Germany, or can we?
Yes, we can.
First, there is no blockade. The current federal government and some states put some rules in place that allow fracking. Slowly, but in the Einsteinian realm of German politics, time can be considerably slower than on the outside.
We are addicted to carbon, says the article's author.
Aha, someone needed an alternative to the worn out "addicted to fossil fuel", we get it.
So, while these blogsters have made proven efforts to reduce their fossil fuel dependency, there is no way we will give up carbon.
This fossil needs fuel, and carbohydrates it is.
Looking at the article again, we can literally see the click-click of the author's thoughts.
There must be something positive, come on, come on...oh, frack it, baby, yeah.
Expertise! Knowledge!
Fracking in Germany will create skills we can then export to countries that do large scale fracking. Germany is small, there is not much to frack, but enough to train fracking experts for exports.
Never mind that others might find it condescending, it's the thought that counts.
Expertise and knowledge do not cause earthquakes!
Yes, we can.
First, there is no blockade. The current federal government and some states put some rules in place that allow fracking. Slowly, but in the Einsteinian realm of German politics, time can be considerably slower than on the outside.
We are addicted to carbon, says the article's author.
Aha, someone needed an alternative to the worn out "addicted to fossil fuel", we get it.
So, while these blogsters have made proven efforts to reduce their fossil fuel dependency, there is no way we will give up carbon.
This fossil needs fuel, and carbohydrates it is.
Looking at the article again, we can literally see the click-click of the author's thoughts.
There must be something positive, come on, come on...oh, frack it, baby, yeah.
Expertise! Knowledge!
Fracking in Germany will create skills we can then export to countries that do large scale fracking. Germany is small, there is not much to frack, but enough to train fracking experts for exports.
Never mind that others might find it condescending, it's the thought that counts.
Expertise and knowledge do not cause earthquakes!
Wednesday, April 3, 2013
Have word, will write
Take a word, or even better a compound noun, check a dictionary to find all definitions of the word(s).
Does one of the component words have a meaning you can play with? For instance, does it have a 'common' meaning and a 'scientific' one?
Bingo.
You have all you need for an article.
The man-machine comment series in German Spiegel online is a column that perfectly illustrates the modus operandi described above.
This time, the topic is "swarm intelligence", and how the internet swarm - that's you and me - is not really intelligent.
Make sure to call the word you are about to dissect "over used", "over hyped", or similar, then ad a pinch of empathy by calling it "misunderstood". This is the hallmark of a critical thinker and explainer extraordinaire.
Ignore one meaning -- preferably the scientific one.
In order to get paid for that, you have to write a few hundred more words, but with just a little effort, it's a done deal.
Any intelligent water drop could do it (Intelligent water drops algorithm), but we all know that in our culture intelligent water drops meet the same level of prejudice and disdain normally reserved for the British finance minister (known in Greek myths as the deuce ex-checker).
You are welcome to send us examples and suggestions.
Does one of the component words have a meaning you can play with? For instance, does it have a 'common' meaning and a 'scientific' one?
Bingo.
You have all you need for an article.
The man-machine comment series in German Spiegel online is a column that perfectly illustrates the modus operandi described above.
This time, the topic is "swarm intelligence", and how the internet swarm - that's you and me - is not really intelligent.
Make sure to call the word you are about to dissect "over used", "over hyped", or similar, then ad a pinch of empathy by calling it "misunderstood". This is the hallmark of a critical thinker and explainer extraordinaire.
Ignore one meaning -- preferably the scientific one.
In order to get paid for that, you have to write a few hundred more words, but with just a little effort, it's a done deal.
Any intelligent water drop could do it (Intelligent water drops algorithm), but we all know that in our culture intelligent water drops meet the same level of prejudice and disdain normally reserved for the British finance minister (known in Greek myths as the deuce ex-checker).
You are welcome to send us examples and suggestions.
The new system of classes: Beyond wife beaters and marmite
Wife beaters and Marmite plus accents and shopping preferences are no longer sufficient for class categories in the UK.
Shucks, we are out of step with sociology.
Our time tested touchstones for neatly classifying all inhabitants of the isles are being thrown out in favor of a new, seven class system. The need to differentiate ever more will make us re-think who we are.
We used to be happy with the results we obtained, even if we had to include f*** me boots and the odd ping of the gaydar when the situation required some intimate clarification.
TheEditor was tempted to take the BBC survey of class affiliation but shirked away because of the old internet saying:
What happens on the internet, stays on the internet.
In case you, dear reader, have noticed a preoccupation with all things British in our recent posts, let us explain.
In many ways, we have come to see the British as the canary in the social coal mine. Not out of disregard or ignorance towards our southern crisis neighbors.
On the unscientific scale of social progress, with "muddle through" on one end and "poised, equitable thinking" on the other, we place the Brits in the middle.
To us, that middle is quite interesting: CCTV everywhere, a proletariat straight out of Karl's pamphlets, secret courts, a cutesie feudal-ish system, multi cultural cities paired with a Germanic "home equals castle" tendency, a touch of Glastonbury and a pinch of Stringfellows.
That's enough now, we'll write something about school uniforms and Hogwarts if we feel like it.
Shucks, we are out of step with sociology.
Our time tested touchstones for neatly classifying all inhabitants of the isles are being thrown out in favor of a new, seven class system. The need to differentiate ever more will make us re-think who we are.
We used to be happy with the results we obtained, even if we had to include f*** me boots and the odd ping of the gaydar when the situation required some intimate clarification.
TheEditor was tempted to take the BBC survey of class affiliation but shirked away because of the old internet saying:
What happens on the internet, stays on the internet.
In case you, dear reader, have noticed a preoccupation with all things British in our recent posts, let us explain.
In many ways, we have come to see the British as the canary in the social coal mine. Not out of disregard or ignorance towards our southern crisis neighbors.
On the unscientific scale of social progress, with "muddle through" on one end and "poised, equitable thinking" on the other, we place the Brits in the middle.
To us, that middle is quite interesting: CCTV everywhere, a proletariat straight out of Karl's pamphlets, secret courts, a cutesie feudal-ish system, multi cultural cities paired with a Germanic "home equals castle" tendency, a touch of Glastonbury and a pinch of Stringfellows.
That's enough now, we'll write something about school uniforms and Hogwarts if we feel like it.
Where is Cyprus?
If there was any money left on the island, you could be wondering whether they paid off the North Koreans to set up a diversion.
When the news first broke about the bailout with the inclusion of bank customers, the cynics in our news room asked one question:
How did they manage to keep that secret?
We now know the answer: They did not.
Initial reports about some money flowing out have now been followed by a list of super savers, showing how forgiving a government can be.
Their version of too big too fail turned out to be very democratic, very pro-individual.
One bank chief was fired, the finance minister resigned, and before it got really interesting, Kim Whatever grabbed the attention.
Not that is matters, but our guess is that neither the banker nor the minister will be hurting. If we were running a broke bank, we'd have some money somewhere; in a mattress on one of the other banking islands; in one of the British vaults; some other safe place.
When the news first broke about the bailout with the inclusion of bank customers, the cynics in our news room asked one question:
How did they manage to keep that secret?
We now know the answer: They did not.
Initial reports about some money flowing out have now been followed by a list of super savers, showing how forgiving a government can be.
Their version of too big too fail turned out to be very democratic, very pro-individual.
One bank chief was fired, the finance minister resigned, and before it got really interesting, Kim Whatever grabbed the attention.
Not that is matters, but our guess is that neither the banker nor the minister will be hurting. If we were running a broke bank, we'd have some money somewhere; in a mattress on one of the other banking islands; in one of the British vaults; some other safe place.
Celebrity links
On the rare occasions when our internet observer clicks on a celebrity link, the first thing he notices -- long before the few milliseconds to load the page are over -- is this: Regret.
The inevitable knowledge that he has just wasted some fresh neuron cycles on something abject, on reading about a person he will never know, never have any useful dealing with, never run into at a bar.
The dumb curiosity about the troubled young woman and about Bieber's monkey.
While the web page renders in all its cheerfully perverted glory, he feels just a little stupid.
Who knows, there may come a day when knowing that you don't pack a monkey for an international trip without paperwork becomes important.
The K-landnews team had to make a decision regarding treatment of the pope, and after an "open and frank exchange", the pope was put into the celebrity category.
The former altar boy (FAB) was nominated as an ad-hoc spokesperson to explain the decision to our fellow journalist readers.
FAB's performance was unremarkable, and while we did not like his description of the Catholic Church as "the longest running running reality show in human history", we declined to censor him and suggested a confession and three Hail Marys.
The inevitable knowledge that he has just wasted some fresh neuron cycles on something abject, on reading about a person he will never know, never have any useful dealing with, never run into at a bar.
The dumb curiosity about the troubled young woman and about Bieber's monkey.
While the web page renders in all its cheerfully perverted glory, he feels just a little stupid.
Who knows, there may come a day when knowing that you don't pack a monkey for an international trip without paperwork becomes important.
The K-landnews team had to make a decision regarding treatment of the pope, and after an "open and frank exchange", the pope was put into the celebrity category.
The former altar boy (FAB) was nominated as an ad-hoc spokesperson to explain the decision to our fellow journalist readers.
FAB's performance was unremarkable, and while we did not like his description of the Catholic Church as "the longest running running reality show in human history", we declined to censor him and suggested a confession and three Hail Marys.
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