Countering the economic damage by male private parts

A German court case once again illuminates the under reported economic damage male private parts inflict on the wider economy every day.

This specific example is about a legal dispute between a landlord and a former renter. The landlord withheld the deposit after termination of the contract for damages to the apartment.

The largest item in dispute of just over 2000 dollars was the bathroom floor. The landlord replaced the marble, yes, it says marble, bathroom floor because the renter's urine had dulled the area around the commode.

The issue was, of course, the habit to pee in the standing position.

If you are a male in Germany or planning to visit in the near future, don't worry. The judge denied the landlord's claim, saying the males around here are allowed to pee standing despite signs of an "increasing domestication" of males.

While this is good news for males, the issue of urine splatter does not go away. The economic damage won't disappear any time soon.

Who pays?

The next renter.

Imagine for a second a single mother moves in after that renter. It is she who will bear the cost of the man's manly gross behavior through a higher monthly rent.

What can be done?

German politicians refuse to address this subject in public, some point to the necessity of an EU wide ruling to avoid a proliferation of local penile legislation.

Just think of the potential for international conflict, explained one. If I stand in France and pee across the border into Germany, what law should apply? The physics of a liquid trajectory are not codified in EU law, so would you want to face a crisis, and by crisis I do not mean the size or shape of the member, he stressed, between France and Germany over a few ounces of yellow liquid? In light of the last hundred years of history, no one can want that.

We need better guidelines and more training, said a consultant who normally specializes in making stupid uses of deadly force go away

A substantial component of the issue is the fact that military draft was eliminated, he added. Military historians are complicit with politicians and the media in never mentioning this. You see, during military service, young German males lived in an environment free of women, where they could train their aiming and shaking skills without being criticized minutes after leaving the bathroom. They would also spend a lot of time outdoors, where trees and shrubs provided a safe and fun training environment.

Yes, it is more complicated than it appears, agreed the politician. We cannot ban the practice and criminalize young males. They already suffer enough from the ban on doing it in public. It is not their fault that God gave them greater flexibility than women. 

In addition to better guidelines and training, men should be made to have a medical check up every six months in the interest of public health as well as for insurance purposes. 
It is not too much to ask to demonstrate appropriate aiming and shaking skills twice a year, claim advocates of Splatter Free Privy, a charity specializing on male needs.
Confirmation of the check-up could be used by insurance companies as an incentive in homeowners insurance. Enforcing a "no check-up, no standing" policy is probably less of a problem than you would expect. In our experience, volunteers could cover much of the enforcement. There are plenty of men hanging out around public bathrooms, so there is a potential of putting them to good use in the name of public health.