You did not read it here first for once: Christmas cookies have re-conquered their annual shelf spaces in German grocery stores, and the media are not pleased.
The offending gingerbread and otherwise spicy and exotic baked goods associated with the Christian holiday of Christmas have been in stores for a good three weeks or more but it took an online opinion poll and a lack of domestic news for the media to take the bait.
The tender gingerbread heart, filled with a dollop of jelly, sealed in dark chocolate, makes great media bait.
According to the reports swirling around in this week's German press, a good 30% of Germans are in favor of a ban of Christmas goodies prior to a certain date. A grand total of 60% regard the early sale of cookies and co. as a nuisance or find it diminishes their Christmas spirit.
Diminishing that Christmas spirit can only be, let's face it, an insidious manifestation of the war on Christmas.
Yet, not a single one of the writers has the heart to point out that Christmas is in December so the Christians could hijack the Roman festival of Saturnalia and the Northern European festival of lights.
When this year's TV panic about the war on Christmas starts, spend a minute on the Puritans in 17th century England and their efforts to keep the shops open on December 25th.
Will Germans ban the sale of Christmas cookies before a certain date?
Not this year, obviously.
We do not dismiss the possibility, as ridiculous as it seems to us. The demographics of those uneasy about the assault of the cookies unfortunately match the German government voting population to a significant degree.
A cookie sales deadline is also easy to pass, and if you get some healthy eating folks to weigh in*, legislative action becomes more likely. If that fails, go to the EU Commission and make them harmonize European standards.
Since, according to the poll, the younger generation does not care much about the issue.
We suggest a time tested way to fix this and get that Christmas spirit up.
Ban Christmas cookies altogether for people under 45! Old people over 45 should be able to buy them after checking IDs.
When grandma passes a cookie under the table to a grandchild, the existing thrill would be augmented by some actual danger (well, in some countries at least).
With social security benefits getting slimmer, Christmas cookies could augment other existing strategies, for example lottery ticket sales benefits, to feed seniors.
* "weigh in" is an utterly purposeful statement.
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