Ah, what a posting title, and what a prolific blogster who cannot shut up, despite an earlier announcement to that effect.
Let's clarify one thing: the US is not "the greatest country on earth" because there is no such thing. We are all different, yet very much the same.
There is, however, one area where the US would get the title of "the greatest country on earth" if it were handed out by the dreaded United Nations.
I am not talking about science [a bunch of US Nobel Prize winners are foreign born, even our prez is half foreign, technically]. I am not talking about standing on the moon. That's a line from a song, which makes two qualifiers for the "greatest country", music and Public Broadcasting.
The Republicans, also known as the Tea Party, love to hate the measly government subsidy of the Corporation for Public Broadcasting. Make no mistake, it is not about the money.
It is all about the fact that the PBS/NPR system is the one truly good broadcaster in the heartland of dog-eat-dog-and-licks-own-butt capitalism.
PBS/NPR, perpetually cash strapped and under attack by the wingnuts of the nation, pull it off: they entertain, they inform, they question, and they are financed mostly by people who simply give them money.
The Germans, on the other hand, have set up a huge, publically financed system of radio and TV that could come straight from Mr. Orwell were it not so bland that many people see it as a sleeping pill substitute.
What makes it so Orwellian?
For one, before 2013, if you owned a radio or TV in Germany, you had to pay the fee.
Because owning a device put you under that Orwellian "presumed use" construct that post WWII German lawyers made up. No jury has ever tried to figure out how much of this construct comes from civic mindedness and how much from the fact that most German lawyers at the time had practiced or been trained under the Nazis.
The motivation, at this point in the 21st century, is kind of moot, but the concept is alive and well.
It was not even all that dumb some 50 years ago when they had a handful or so stations, few people were immigrants, few Germans spoke more than broken English.
Pre-2013, you could get an exemption from the fee is you had no TV or radio or computer.
That computer clause was a scope creep thing. Cause the behemoth "public" broadcasters were surprised when people refused to pay up because they could get all their needs filled by the Interweb thing.
The concept of "presumed use" is the most f*****ing versatile legal construct on the planet! You own a gun? You are hereby arrested for recklessly discharging a firearm! But...
Come one, you got it you use it, and we are all reckless sometimes.
Hey you male, you guy, you are arrested for attempted bestiality!
But...
Listen buddy, you got it and you got a cat. So, we can presume...
So, the "independent" commission [members appointed by the state governors, yap] told the state legislatures it was fair to make people who only had a computer pay for the brandnew boring web offerings the public broadcasters put up in a hurry.
The agency set up jointly by the state based public broadcasters to collect the fees was the most hated agency around, easily. Their jackbooted approach to getting a handful of Deutschmarks out of old ladies and young students is the stuff of legend.
The court battles could provide years of soap opera programming if Hollywood spoke enough German to understand what is happening.
Everybody grew tired of the fighting and wanted something simple and fair. The fees had too many tiers, too many exceptions, too many regulations.
So, since 2013, every residence pays, and so does every institution and company.
The few exceptions are in the law itself.
All is well.
Or is it?
They made a royal mess out of it.
The exceptions were tied to eligibility for the lowest level of government benefits.
And those benefits were put on the chopping block about a decade ago with the stated aim to provide for the "minimum needs" and to "allow adequate participation in cultural life".
Explaining German government benefits to Americans used to be next to impossible.
Six weeks of vacation, health insurance including all dental and vision, retirement benefits for everybody -- you lost most Americans with the first item in this list.
Times changed a decade ago.
Germany was not doing great, so they said. But instead of taking stock, they went - don't they always - for the weakest link.
While you cannot simply say "just like in the U.S.", the statement is close enough to reality outside of the realm of legal details and academic research.
Germans still claim that nobody needs to go hungry here. Those who make the claim do not know what they are talking about, period.
So, a broad coalition slashed benefits and declared the mission accomplished. In the U.S. some politicians and lots of journalists have the habit of trying to live on the measly benefits for a week or two in order to see what it is really like.
This concept is lost on the German rulers.
Now, the "independent" bodies setting up the new fee system made it so that the cut off is eligibility for that lowest level of assistance.
This excludes a number of groups, for example, European Union migrants who are not eligible because other laws say so. Non-European migrants generally.
All Germans who decide to lead their lives in such a way that they will not need government assistance despite not having a decent wage. All Germans who are poor but refuse to go and ask for assistance.
Many people, including the blogster, would not mind paying say 5 or 10 Euros a year to help others even though we do not, repeat do not, use any of the German public broadcaster offerings.
The law does not allow for this kind of civic mindedness.
And there is another catch. When they set out to reform their ways, the basic marching order was to maintain current levels of financing.
So, they picked the highest existing tier of about 200 Euros a year for a household. Then they picked a third of that, 5.99 Euros a month for companies and institutions.
The collection agency was renamed to get rid of the bad old name and make it appear more friendly.
The publicity blitz by the state politicians and the public broadcasters focused on "simple, fair, the poor are exempt".
If you go to the agency web site to get their phone number and call with questions, you see a note: landline calls cost 6.5 cents a minute, mobile calls cost more.
A premium hotline, no matter how poor you are.Wow.
I am sure they will say, well, it is not really "premium" because the general standard for premium lines is about twice as much.
The mandated fee is supposed to cover all costs, but we may not agree on a definition of "all".
The only way to get an exemption through this agency is if you provide the decision on eligibility by the carrier of the government benefits.
You have to apply for benefits in the first place, and thanks to the reforms a decade ago, every single cent you own, every non trivial work of art, your car above some seven thousand euros, your retirement benefits if they are in some way accessible now, a regular Christmas money gift to the kids above a few euros...you get the idea.
And all this for a service you can get for free from other sources!
No so fast, Jimbo, this is Germany, there is something else. German public broadcasting is legally meant not just to inform and entertain but is deemed to have "educational value".
Got it, "educational value" and "presumed use" are the keys to justifying the fees versus the free private broadcasters.
In the run-up to the reform, the public broadcasters got themselves some high profile experts who took pains to justify the new generalized payment structure. Counter claims, much more realistic, claim the fee is a tax and illegal because the states raise it, not the federal government. Critics also have a problem with no-income foreigners or recipients of basic living assistance paying the same amount as some who brings home 5000 a month after taxes.
They did not even bother to make the broadcasters do simple things like opt out of the website offerings through a little program on your computer to limit the presumed use concept. Not 100% verifiable, they said.
When reminded that the new law might create some injustice, they said: you can never get it 100% right.
They also picked or were lucky to get a good economic environment. The rest of Europe ain't doing so well, Germany is wealthy and flush. The implication being that almost everybody can afford a minor fee for the common good.
The first year of the new fee brought many million euros more into the coffers, honit soit, so the "independent commission" wants to reduce the 219 euro fee by 0.73 cents for a year.
This would be the first fee reduction in the history of German public broadcasting since the end of WWII. By itself an interesting fact.
The other thing is that the German public broadcasters have used the guaranteed income over the years to found fully private companies, with the broadcast directors on the boards making extra money. They don't state this income in the annual corporate reports.
Politicians are involved too, in a way that avoids conflicts of interest, of course, because there are no laws regarding conflicts of interest.
In the U.S., we donated to public broadcasting, volunteered at pledge drives as we could and deemed fit. No problem, we listened to public broadcasting and watched PBS because they provide excellent programs in a sea of numbness.
Over here, we don't use it, we don't need it, they still want us to pay.
You, yes, you around the world with an internet connection. You can get tons of German public broadcasting for free on http://tunein.com/ radio.
Some even in English.
In case you like their offerings, spend a minute thinking about the poor among the Germans, the foreigners here who may have a couple of hundred euros but won't get an exemption by the fee agency. Well, we do not know if the TuneIn offerings are paid for out of the fees or out of the "private sector activities" of the stations, because these semi-government bodies have so far deflected all reasonable requests for transparency.
"We are not a government body".
"But you have the same legal powers, expect for police powers."
"We are independent, it says so in the law."
There is one institution of final resort to petition: the "broadcast agency" of the German state you live in. You can ask for a "hardship exemption". The criteria and procedures are obscure, and the term itself does not inspire hope.
How personal do we want this post to be?
Let me just say this. I have never taken government handouts, never used cheap government loans like those offered for renovating the old house. The new fee law makes for interesting math.
I can pay up and shut up, which will cost me some 219 euros per year until retirement in, say, six years. In this case, I pay 220 euros x 6 out of my own money. Just under 2000 euros less for me.
Or, I can put my savings into an account "locked down" until retirement and go and apply for government benefits. Assuming I take up a small part time job worth a hundred or so euros a month to show my goodwill, the German taxpayer will then pay me...hm...some 300 to 400 euros a month. On top of that, they will pay my health insurance, some of my life insurance, I can get hospital stays without a daily out of pocket co-pay, and more. As a non-EU foreigner, this might not be viewed kindly by the otherwise really unbelievably, so far, considerate and kind German immigration authorities.
The wonderful thing is, I am old, as in ancient, the 60 year mark is right around the corner. In a world of young, perfectly qualified people, this makes me the ideal candidate for government assistance until I hit retirement.
The cost of this solution? Let's say 300 in cash plus a grand total of 200 in extras, 500 euros per month, makes 6000 euros per year.
Times 6, equals 30 000 euros. Into my pocket, not out of it. 30 000 euros for my gentle self. I am beginning to see the light.
The third option, move to France, or some place else in Europe, maybe warmer.
Option four: I get offered a job with discretionary power to decide applications for waving of TV license fees. Okay, that's just crazy.
Having lived life the simple way, not the easy way, mind you, I will wait until the fee agency denies my request for a waiver, then petition my state broadcaster.
If they deny, I think I will take option 2. The German politicians and the broadcasters won't mind.
I will feel bad about asking German society for money, looking at German children thinking that my claim may contribute to their parents getting less assistance. I hope this feeling will pass. Once my German neighbors find out that the previously self-sufficient folks next door get government assistance, I will be the perfect example of the mooching foreigner who comes here to exploit the system. The same politicians responsible for denying my fee exemption will benefit from the anger of my neighbors.
Unbeknown to them, I will spend time doing volunteer work for the Germans. Not sure yet how to avoid being a "good foreigner" to those Germans, I'll figure out something. But this will be happening one or two towns over, far enough for no one to know me. In my local community, I will be the mooching foreigner, the one no longer greeted friendly on the street.
All for the low, low fee of 5.99 a month or 17.98 a year. Sign up now, offer expires soon.
One more thing:
I twitted some about the fees under #rundfunkbeitrag. And my twits ranked continuously as "Top" tweets.
Of course, I know this is attributable to the fact that everybody is enjoying some of the plentiful vacation days and the rest don't care about them fees.
One more one more thing:
You protectors of society as we know it, yes, I mean you, you need to keep an eye on old people with little money but lots of time and a totally perverted sense of social justice. May I suggest to set up a register of old people in that category. No, it is not discrimination if you put in people from every country on the planet. Yes, get rid of dead records is work, stop complaining.
Getting them into the database is real easy, tough. Register everybody at birth, than set the "old fart" column attribute 60 years later. See how easy that was. You' re welcome.
One more one more one more thing:
Comments so far...
"When you come here, you live by our laws!"
"Sir, I do, very much so. And may I point out that your Auslaedergesetz does not apply to you but only to me. So, am I 'more' law abiding than a German citizen? I am also learning how Germans do laws..."
"We treat you well, you are welcome, even as a non-citizen."
"Yes, mostly. And how do you know I am not a citizen? Because I speak funny? So do the Bavarians. I have German roots, they are a bit old, 100 or 1000 years. But you guys have a good sense of history, even 1000 years are not much to you right?"
"Can I marry you?"
"Sorry, no."
"Can I have have sex with you?"
"Sure, I am kind of old, but in great shape, tall slim, all my own teeth, and sure God gave us Viagra just in case, so send me an email, address is at the top of the blog."
"Get a job!"
"Got one, don't pay much, so make a donation or give me a better one. You can put me on public TV as The Ranting Foreigner, name is Fritz, pay me well, and I'll pay the fee."
"Are you serious about just owning a radio? If it sat in the basement, and you never turned it on?"
"Presumed use, my friend. The collection peeps would ring the doorbell, ask to come in, see the radio, sign you up and fine you. Yes, in the early days, there may have been unsavory characters working for "the agency", but they got a bonus per hit, so it wasn't personal or anything."
"Pay your taxes, and don't slander the country!"
"I am paying every single cent of tax, do you? I make fun of "the country", which includes but is not limited to Germany. You have not seen any slander from me, trust me, get in touch and ask for a sample if need to see the difference. But I will decline, sorry."
"Why DO you like the Germans, you did not say it!"
"I like them because they try hard, too hard at times, but they try."
"Why is the Internet to blame for everything?"
"Because you can exchange to good and the bad. Other countries have already picked up your 'presumed use' concept. Use a headscarf in some places, and see where that gets you."
"The educational value is quite real, I think."
"Your opinion is yours. I do not see how watching perpetual adolescents drive around in circles really fast and crashing into a wall at 300 km/h is educational. The same is true for soccer. If you want education, watch shows in English on the commercial channels."
"You pay taxes?"
"Yes. I also paid 500 euros for an Integrationskurs, because I felt it was the right thing to do. Bear with me, I am learning how to live here, I am starting to get what Vorfahrt means, and I make a point to explain that the correct pronunciation of Ausfahrt requires the 'u' to be enunciated very clearly."
"Why should a millionaire who only has an income of say 10 000 euros a year after taxes get away with not paying the fee?"
"I do not say they shouldn't pay. What I am saying is that the low threshold like basic living assistance makes the fee a pretty big chunk of the income, that's not fair. Also, the amount of scrutiny involved in an application for basic assistance is huge. It may be justified for the primary purpose and amounts of money. If the state pays you 1 000 euros a month, 12 000 a year, you should expect some scrutiny. If we are dealing with you having to undergo this in order to avoid 200 a year, the balance is plainly off. Using a canon to kill a fly."
"If you like the U.S. system so much, why are Americans so ignorant?"
"Nice one. Let's say you are right with 'ignorant', which I do not buy as a generic statement. Schooling in the United States is a problem. What;s on TV does not fix that. The same is true in Germany. There are some truly ignorant Germans, so what? Public radio and TV with huge budgets have not fixed that either. The amount and quality of American Public Broadcasting is outright astounding, but guess what, which American broadcasters make the news in Germany? ABC, CBS, NBC, CNN, some MSNBC and FOX, and why? Because of controversies, mindshare and whatever. The German media like a good whack job as much as the Americans."
"But we need to support the public over the commercial."
"I agree, but what did you get? The official scope of public broadcasting in Germany is 'limited', I checked the independent commission website. Instead, you have 7.5 billion of public money in 2013, plus the broadcasters have all these full or partial commercial subsidiaries that have long broken through the theoretical limited scope. For instance, the public outfits own Bavaria, a Munich film company, which in turn either wholly or partially owns many other companies inside and outside of Germany. Again, Bavaria's revenues are not limited to the German public broadcasters, though they are a big chunk. On top of that, Bavaria gets government tax money from grants for films and movies. What you have is a mandatory fee financed big media conglomerate that generates additional revenue and also benefits from plain government subsidies.
The term 'limited' as per the law has been left behind a long time ago. And the new tax-like fees make it worse."
"Are you saying there are no auto races and sports on American Public Broadcasting?"
"Correct. They don't have the money to waste on that. You will find sports documentaries, some gorgeous Ken Burns, for instance, on the history of a sport, or on the politics of college basketball. And no Viereinhalb Schanzentournee either. PBS does not send more people to the Olympics than are members of the US team. The Germans have no problem sending more journos than athletes."
"Just pay, it's not worth a fight."
"I considered it, telling myself to see it as a bribe to be able to be here quietly, live my life and not be bothered. Then I researched the ALGII/SGB, Auslaendergesetz and the way people are being treated. I decided I will take it to court if needed. Then again, I may change my mind and move a few miles across the border into France, don't those guys have a bureaucracy as dedicated to their causes as its German counterpart?"
Oh, I made up all of the comments. Warned you, too much time.
Ahm, I forgot something. Are you an employee of German public broadcasting or of any of the commercial enterprises owned by a German public broadcasting entity?
See, I stuck a payment notice for you guys on the very first page of the blog. It kind of says if you read my blog AND make me pay a fee for your service which I never ever use, I charge you a flat fee for my internet presence. The general public does not have to pay, that's my civic streak.
Since I have not told you on Twitter, I'll wave the fee for today. You can ask your lawyers to send me a nasty letter, if you feel like it.
I really don't want to pick a fight, but it would make a great little news story.
[Update 7 Jan] So, Twitter thinks my blog is unsafe, and this post probably is the reason. Specifically, someone or some algorithm very likely did not enjoy or understand the last paragraph. We'll see if I am the only one who thinks it is funny. [Update]
[Update 8 Jan] I was wrong! Turns out Twitter does not like the German city of Stuttgart, well, not Stuttgart specifically but the fact that the address block in the post "Sodele..." looks like an address. Redacted, and the link was posted on Twitter. [Update]
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