CaffMo GPS bracelet

Caffeine & More, the new GPS bracelet for minors.

The world is getting more complex, not just for adults but also for minors.
Young people are under constant threat, from strangers with candy to the Monster energy drink with caffeine.

Parenting is going from a full-time job to a 24/7 affair, and it is expected that you answer that phone call at three o'clock in the morning. Just a few years ago, only presidential candidates had to have a plausible answer to the question "what if the phone rings at 3:00 AM"?

Today, every parent faces this.

It may get even worse, doesn't it always, if welfare reformers in one US state get their way. Your welfare check gets cut by a certain percentage if your kid's grades in school are bad. It is tough love, but not having money for food is not all bad: kids learn better if their stomachs are not too full.

In addition to the panoply of worries, which include salt, sugar, high-fructose corn syrup, trans fats and more, there is a growing concern about caffeine intake by kids.

Hidden in energy drinks, it's a veritable toddler speed. District Attorneys, like the one out of San Francisco, CA, have called for a reduction in caffeine in these drinks, possibly not realizing that you just drink more if the buzz is not right.

Introducing "Caffeine & More", the new GPS bracelet for minors by the Johnny Controletti Company.  CaffMo, as it is called for short, is a multi-function location and security bracelet.

At its heart is the well established GPS location service, which gives parents a real-time view of where their child is at any moment. An RFID scanner capable of reading the popular tiny chips used to track merchandise will pick up the proximity of a caffeinated drink can that carries one of the RFID chips.

What happens next depends on the subscription plan the parents signed up for as well as on the configuration of the bracelet/scanner unit.

You can set it to just deliver an audible beep, or a pre-recorded, internally stored, stern warning by a parent. In a future model that we are developing in cooperation with the taser company ZapIt, we will offer an adjustable electric shock. We are also considering a device called magneto cuffs where we would place the offending merchandise behind strong electromagnet bars which would be triggered when the underage perpetrator reaches for the goods, explained John M. Gnat, the technical director of Controletti. The technology won't allow to permanently restrain someone but will hold them long enough for security to intervene.

A second project has the goal to refine the sensor technology. As you know, we can already measure blood alcohol levels with sufficient accuracy and, building on what we have learned from this, we hope to have a working caffeine blood level prototype within the next two to four years.

One more thing:
This post may be used in the future to establish "prior art" if some dumbass really develops this technology.