Robot protection laws

Some re:publica nerd lawyer said in a presentation: Make laws to protect robots modeled after our animal protection laws.

After an initial frown, the blogster read the article about the presentation at Germany's biggest and fanciest digital life event.

It had cool and very touching examples of how humans anthropomorphize robots, behave as if robots had human traits.

For instance, the mine clearing robot who gets saved by the US Army colonel because the tough military man cannot bear seeing the bot crawl through the dust on the single remaining leg of six, or the humans who play with a little dino robot and then refuse to destroy it because they have taken a liking to it.

They are powerful examples on which the presenter based the case for laws to protect robots. The argument goes: This would help keep us human. People who abuse animals are bad people, so people who abuse robots would be bad people, too. Protect robots to protect the human values. We do not protect animals because they feel pain but because hurting them reflects badly on us humans.

Stop!

The nerds are discriminating against my car as well as against many other simple forms of mechanical life!

Just because my 30 year old car did not have the same modern microchips as lil' dino did not make the Energizer (that's the car's name) any less of a being with quasi human traits. I could talk to the Energizer, praise it, coax it, be upset at it and forgive it when it finally started on a cold, wet morning.

The blogster, as a representative of the cats in the house, is insulted that a little Roomba or a singing robot dog should get the same kind of protection as the cats. Or as the birds out in the yard.

I am willing to talk about robot protection laws once the artificial guys are sentient beings at least equivalent to cats or dogs in intelligence and emotions.

Any robot protections laws enacted earlier will immediately be used against people in pretty hideous ways. A hungry homeless man who steals a loaf of bread and is stopped by a securibot whom he promptly topples over and dents before being cuffed by a human, will not only be indicted for the theft of 2000 calories but also for aggravated assault.

It's gonna happen if we give the bots rights.

The best way to protect robots is already inherent in the research: simply make them look like people or animals. They don't even have to look like cute animals.
 
No laws needed.