Operation NUMBSKULL

The powers that be have kicked off Operation Numbskull (short for New Uniform Media Bedazzlement Sophisticated Kruel Underhanded Legitimation Locution) to counter the desecration of everything and - more so - everybody we hold dear.

The DEAF committee was tasked with developing a focus group tested name for the operation. At least since the PATRIOT Act, all Americans have discovered the importance of "just the right name" for any law or operation. If you are not a US citizen or a US person, try to imagine the present national security situation if the act known as "patriot" had been given the snappy acronym TART.

We would not be talking about it today.

You are, of course, comfortable with the English language, so the spelling of "Kruel" has raised an eyebrow, maybe two, maybe a unibrow even.

Sources tell us that the K variant is a direct result of the focus group testing. The K, our unnamed source tells us, makes the old fashioned word "cruel" appear more powerful and, at the same time, less threatening. Playing with the spelling of the word not only takes away the edge of "cruel", the source says, it also makes us, the committee, appear more intelligent and hip. Both are attributes which are invaluable in the effort to reach today's critical young minds and thus further the agenda of the government to project an inclusionary rather than an exclusionary vision of a safe and prosperous United States.

Out of several suggestions, this is the one we confidently submitted to the executive branch, and they were as pleased as we had been, added the source.

The objective of the operation is secondary to the naming, and we had wrapped up enlisting speakers, from former Man Heyden to big Alex and our press affiliates in no time.

TheEditor's note: The K-Landnews team was very pleasantly surprised by the creative use of the letter K, which we had been using independently for what, a year. It felt just right, and on second thought, "C-Landnews" wouldn't have made much sense, right? When we asked the source for a short, simple description of the content of Operation Numbskull in case one of our readers asked, the source paused briefly and said: propaganda. Good, old fashioned propaganda.