This post is in English to prevent it from being taken seriously.
Seriously.
This past weekend we re-assembled our famed Random Research (RR) team to test the validity of the latest hot button issue in the home country of the Mercedes, the diesel engine, and the 20 km/h tractors of Mr. Porsche.
Mr. Porsche's tractors came in bright red to increase their apparent speed, and folksy rumors have it they really looked like they were going 23 km/h instead of a mere 20.
The media frenzy last week was about "Germany's crumbling infrastructure", supported by the indisputable fact that the country spends less on infrastructure as a percentage of GDP than other Euro nations.
In most of the press, the term infrastructure was soon replaced by "roads" without much ado. So, a casual alien could reasonably think that infrastructure equals roads around here.
They are in such a bad state of repair, complained politicians who want higher tolls or a blanket dedicated tax for everybody!
Which sent our team on the roads, the highways, the byways, the freeways.
700 miles later, the verdict is in: there are a few rumble roads but the attribute "crumbling" is either a bit exaggerated or an all out lie.
We do believe the true reasons for classifying West German roads as crumbling are:
1) The East Germans have wide, smoooth new freeways and highways. Those guys had 40 years of Socialism, and what do they have to show for it? Some of the best autobahns in human history.
2) Without at least three freeway lanes in each direction, the makers and shakers, thinkers and doers of the old lame West cannot go much faster than 65 or 70 miles during the week and get stuck in huge vacation jams on the north south axes. It is less about repair than expand.
3) Autobahn envy!
The modern man's equivalent to the old Freudian penis envy is freeway envy, or autobahn envy as it will soon be called around the world.
It is less about length, more about width these days, but yes, unless you have seen the gorgeous wide open freeways of Poland or southern Italy, you won't understand.
In the process of evaluating road quality, the RR team also resolved Germany's problem of employ for the long-term jobless.
Since about 80 to 90 percent of cars on the freeway ignore posted speed limits, hand out radar guns to the long term jobless and let the cash roll in.
There would also be a mental health benefit for the depressed downtrodden. Pointing the radar gun at a 100 000 Euro plus Porsche, Beamer or whatever would improve morale and government coffers.
Nailing the boss for speeding, the bastard who fired you, what could be more satisfying?
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