A modest proposal

We have, as usual, a simple solution to the complex problem of terrorism.

Can each country, or a group of countries, please designate an area as the official target for terrorism?

A playground, but don't use that term, they would be offended. Let them keep some of their pride.

A few old military bases, the odd uninhabited island, some abandoned factories.

Hollywood could gussy them up a little, with custom effigies and animatronics. Empty out a few underused Madame Tussauds.

C'm on, who would not want to see an animatronic version of <YourFavoritePoliticianHere>?

Terrorists would be able to conduct attacks when scheduled.

The ideal scheduling body, for us Americans, would be the UN.

There is so much real estate that is demolished every year in the industrialized world. Which just so happens to be the place terrorists want to go!

It's somewhat similar to the stings we have already done with real people and fake explosives. The new method would be the inverse, no real people in danger but real hardware.

Imagine a group of Taliban landing in Las Vegas to demolish yet another old casino. Sin City, they'd love it. American companies could provide weapons without going through hoops like with Iran Contra in  the 1980s. It would all be above board.

Live TV coverage would give CNN a foolproof opportunity for correct coverage, too.

After the demolition job, those who feel like it could change into boxers and sneak into a nudie bar with their NSA chaperones for look and maybe a feel.

We could hand out terrorist visas, which would prove the conspiracy theorists right -- my government gives visas to terrorists!

They'd get fingerprinted and their picture taken like every normal tourist, just in case.

Every group would be able to request special purpose targets, like a kindergarten full of discarded Barbie dolls, for instance.

That would, of course, not come cheap, and we have not thought the financing completely through.

The IMF and the World Bank might be good overseers for these projects. Haven't they shown a certain talent for helping to turn great places into decrepit shadows of their former glory?

Now, now, don't get upset, just asking.

The biggest problem with this proposal is, you know that already, what to do with all the intelligence organizations (yeah, that's what they are called, really)?

SEITI, the Search for Extraterrestrial Life, needs some serious help and cash, so we have most of the NSA covered.

But what about the low-tech outfits like the British and the Germans. Sorry, my dear French, I know, I feel soo bad about it.

I know, it sounds gross, but how about letting them play with the terrorists?

That sentence does not look good, does it?

So, no, nothing violent, okay. We are all about peace.

Their respective security clearances would be accepted as part of a program of mutual recognition.

The low-tech folks could sit in on terrorist training, learn about terrorist history, culture, even religion. For the study of religion, there would be an opt-out clause.

And for those low-tech spies who don't want to play with terrorists, we have work for you!

All the data collected over decades could use some serious filing. Don't we have, like, a few thousand first generation PCs for that somewhere?

That should be enough work for all the world's low-tech spies until retirement.
They could hang out together, like they do anyway, with as little or as much contact to regular folks as they are comfortable with.