Coffee break, cubicle cred

From the industrial investigative archives.

The cola fueled operation had been a success. Collateral damage cleanup had been as efficient as dozens of similar previous operations would let you expect -- the bodies, warm and alive in their cubicles only 24 hours earlier, were gone.

The survivors were promptly issued their new cut - black with a red charter logo.

The logistics folks had moved the heavy equipment onto the other floors, the high-tech Flavia beverage makers most certainly on the list of export controlled items, just like some of the software produced there.

Sales people love Flavia machines, their sleek design, their almost clinical way of making not just coffee but a variety of teas, too. The endless variety of flavors modern chemical companies can supply.

No mess, no work, the plug and play of office beverages.

The engineers resisted the Flavia machines. They wanted to be able to dose their own coffee in accordance with their true caffeine needs, a lot in the morning, lower in the afternoon. And they wanted that hands dirty experience, that tweaking with the water and the ground goodness, the scientific theory about doubling up or tripling up on the paper filters.

If you got it right, it gave you cubicle cred and encouraging smiles.

As a compromise, management provided ground coffee in one ounce pouches from a new supplier. Each pouch had the name and the proud slogan "America's Finest" stamped on it.

When the existing stash of twenty, yes, 20, one pound bags of name brand, a little pricey, coffee had run out, the engineers switched to the new brew.

The flavor was different, the strength too, but everybody drank it and made notes on the brew. They did not like the new coffee, and it certainly was not "America's Finest".

Soon, the team, being the engineers they were, had condensed their displeasure into the snappy acronym OCDP. Talking about the new coffee, they would only say "that brew" or use the term OCDP.

Engineers like to fix things. There were several meetings that discussed options and strategy. Their fearless leader veep put in a request to go back to the previous coffee.

It was refused by HQ logistics for cost reasons.

They tried the old boys network through the logistics man who was still there, but in a different capacity.

Another refusal, much more polite but equally firm.

They then began a two-pronged approach. Once a week, a volunteer would buy a pound of the good stuff as a donation to the team, while the whole team was digging through the procurement documents and procedures of the new charter.

They found the solution. The total cost of one pound of coffee was low enough for the veep to sign off on without HQ Logistics approval. A one time standing order was all that was needed.

The veep was not very happy with the prospect. He felt under scrutiny and was afraid of HQ, rightly so, as it turned out.

But before this transpired, the valiant engineers had obtained the signature and after a few more weeks, the flow of the good stuff was restored.

Productivity went up sharply -- promptly attributed by HQ to a system rolled out during the days of OCDP.

No one of those who knew better said a word about the true catalyst of productivity.

Oh, and the answer is no, we are not telling. There are people out there whose lives depend on OCDP staying an acronym for a few more years.

[Update 3/8/2016] Spelling.
Well, okay, here's a hint. The pouches didn't say America's Finest, they said America's Best.