Internet Paranoia Awareness Day

Shouldn't we have one?

One look at a Wikipedia list of awareness days begs the question, why is there no Internet Paranoia Awareness Day?

The list has all the good ones, like World Cancer Day, various flower and down to earth days (pig, potato) and some that will prompt your children to ask questions we do not ask on this family blog.

Is the daily dish of databases hacked, identities stolen, passwords always too weak promoting security or creating fatigue?

Let's accept that the internet can be dangerous. Why not set aside one day a year dedicated to suspending paranoia?

One day on which we celebrate the good things the internet has brought us. We'll list only three.

Finding that old flame or a new one on a social network.
Shopping at 2 AM even in countries where brick and mortar stores still shutter at 6 PM.
Making interaction with local government so much smoother.

Is it too much to ask for a single day for people to be able to use the b-word on Twitter without their front door getting knocked down?

One day for which companies commit not to fire you for that picture on Facebook? They can wait until the next day.

Just one day a year during which we can set aside the knowledge that the government at your fingertips may be watching all your email traffic.

The answer we have labored to come up with is:
Yes, it is too much to ask for. But we can deal with rejection.

We'll take refuge in a dumb joke and a brick and mortar episode of actions ready to haunt you soon.

Q: What does your anti-virus software have in common with a condom?
A: If you don't, well, update them every time you use them, they don't protect you.

And you kids in the bar, you with the blow-up doll strapped to your drunken self with duct tape, your escapade is safe with us.

After this attempt to start a campaign for Internet Paranoia Awareness Day, here is a practical, hands-on lesson no school curriculum should be without.

Do not try this at home!

Get a geek who has an older computer that is bound for the trash.
The computer must not have a network/internet connection when you perform the install, get a CD/DVD to install from.
Wipe the hard disk and install the first release of a slightly older operating system (slightly older because it will drive home the lesson).
Remove all other computers that may be using that network and internet connection from said network.
If the installation installs an anti-virus package, remove it. Open up the firewall.
Run an anti-virus from a removable media to show the kids the box is clean. Remove the media.
Now, connect to the internet, and wait a few minutes.
Disconnect, run the anti-virus again.

Watch the faces of the kids light up.