Waiting on going forward

From our impurist language archives.

Have you ever felt someone was being way too much of a purist with words?

Did you then think to yourself, I am so glad I am not that person?

Have you ever read something and thought, wtf is this person doing with my language?

Welcome to the club.

There are many irritating conversations, and they irritate for different reasons or for no obvious reason at all.

The two phrases that will drive TheEditor at the K-landnews up the nearest wall like a trapped feral cat are the subject of this post. It is no coincidence that their use in the workplace is more irritating to TheEditor than other usages, say, in sitcoms.

I'm waiting on my manager.

No, you are not unless you are seriously brown nosing. Generally, you are waiting for your lazy ass manager to show up at the weekly meeting.

You are waiting on him, or her, if you offer to go get coffee or tea or to do any other chores to keep the top doggie from biting off your head.

Going forward, we should...

[Loud scratching noises of TheEditor going up nearest wall, accompanied by frightening hissing sounds]

There is not a single documented instance in which "going forward" was used honestly to talk about the future.

Going forward has only one meaning:
We all know that I messed up, but you will not talk about this because I am the boss, so eat it! And I will not talk about my mistake because you cannot make me, and so!

TheEditor recalls with a mixture of amusement and rage the last time he was given the "going forward" treatment. The boss would start a sentence with "going forward" and then invariably turn to reasoning why the recent events were not his but TheEditor's fault.

TheEditor says he was grateful to the bad seafood he must have had the night before: "My stomach was so upset, I felt I would vomit every second. Being so focused on suppressing the puke reflex made it appear to the boss that I was totally neutral and calm. When he used "going forward" for the fifth or sixth time, I was tempted to let go and dump a load of semi-digested shrimp over that shrimp. But I held back. And I am proud of it. The bastard is still in his job, costing the company every year at least ten times his salary in fucked up projects and self promotion."

So, do we see some bitterness here? Could it be that "the shrimp" isn't such a shrimp after all? It's all good, the shrimp is fully tax deductible.

And remember, language is a just set of conventions -- so, if you want to rename blue to balitist or whatever...