The great unknown American holiday is 15 April, the deadline for filing your federal and, if you live in a state that has them, state income taxes.
The Europeans know so much about American holidays and the special days like Valentine's Day and Halloween, but nothing about the great government day that is 15 April.
Over here in K-land, you file last year's taxes at some point during the year, leisurely. Oh, I feel like doing the taxes today, how about it, honey?
In the US, 15 April (sometimes they give you an extra day or two) is the unofficial Procrastination Day.
The run-up starts in January, when all the shopping malls across the nation begin showing tax advisor placards, with the green H&R Block dominating the cityscapes.
As we get closer to the deadline, their opening hours increase, first from an almost German style 9 to 5 during weekdays to 9 to 20, and finally to almost around the clock, including weekends.
A few weeks before Tax Day, the TV stations and other media start reporting on what has changed, and they will repeat the actual deadline for the year over and over. Like, midnight on 15 April, that's when the mail has to be stamped.
As a working person, you will notice how the chats around the watercooler or the coffee machine turn more and more frequently to "I have done my taxes, how about you", "I am running a bit late", "my tax return is driving me crazy".
Really, any sentence you can form in the English language using the words "tax" and "deadline", you will hear it. And that's not counting the same conversations in Spanish, Chinese, Russian, and more.
The TV commercials for tax advisors not only seem to be on at any time of day or night -- they are on.
On tax day, the United States Postal Service will keep some post offices open until midnight, as the one bright overtime spot for their demoralized workforce.
If you now think, "what about drive through service", then, congrats, you know the Americans.
They will set up ad-hoc drive-through isles with tables under EasyUp tents along the parking lots of the bigger post offices in an effort to ensure that even the most procrastinating of procrastinators get their envelope in before midnight.
Yes, you can file electronically but if you owe the government money, you must have the check in the mail by the deadline.
On the big day, the lines at the post office become a display for the best and the worst in people. Marriages have resulted from two people meeting in the tax line, divorces have sprung from the same reason. New friends are made, old enemies avoided, tempers flare, laughter fills the air. Car stereos in the drive through lines provide hours of the most diverse musical entertainment you can possibly imagine. Think MC Hammer competing with Redneck Radio and a hint of Beethoven. The TV news vans set up in the early evening and stay through midnight. For many people, it is the one day of the year when they have a chance to get onto television recounting their day in taxes. The other TV opportunities for average people tend to involve accidents or mass shootings with pre-scripted lines like "he always kept to himself", or "he was a nice person".
Why are they so deadline crazy?
Because Uncle Sam automatically adds a penalty on what you owe if you miss that deadline without filing for an extension. Even an extension means you have to fork over money that you may owe. IRS audits are feared, and - we shouldn't say this - the S&M bondage lady I know at the IRS is quite the gal.
And traditions die hard anyway.
We wish you all a Happy Tax Day!
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